| We have all heard that statement in the gangster | | | | - our parents, our spouse, our children, our |
| movies. Did you ever think you would hear it in | | | | employers, our friends, our church/religion, and |
| relationship to your job? | | | | the list could go on and on - we rarely take the |
| I never did. I believed if I gave the company I | | | | time to acknowledge or take care of ourselves. |
| worked for my loyalty, hard work, and utilized | | | | How do we move toward this understanding of |
| my talents and gifts to the best of my ability, I | | | | our inherent value? |
| would be able to retire from my position with the | | | | 1) Each day, list ways you have been of value to |
| gold watch, many thanks, and an excellent | | | | someone or yourself. |
| retirement package after 30+ years of service. A | | | | Example: Took care of grandson while daughter |
| little over two years ago, my employer offered | | | | had surgery; worked closely with direct report on |
| the greatest majority of employees a Voluntary | | | | task management skills. |
| Termination Offer (VTO). Employees had the | | | | 2) Look for ways to express gratitude, and write |
| ability to quit their jobs with a termination | | | | them down. |
| package that could be fairly lucrative depending | | | | Example: Steadfast friends; not having to deal |
| upon the length of their service. Over one | | | | with the horrible pain some families go through |
| thousand employees took the package. Many had | | | | with mental illness and addictions. |
| ten plus years of longevity with the employer. | | | | 3) Make a list of things you would like to do for |
| Shortly thereafter, many members of middle | | | | yourself, and then do them on a regular basis. |
| management were subjected to a Reduction In | | | | Example: Exercise 3-4 times each week; meditate |
| Force (RIF). My employer offered those | | | | daily; get a pedicure. |
| employees the same termination package and | | | | 4) Talk to someone who will support and |
| outplacement services. COBRA kicked in for | | | | encourage you about the work you are doing to |
| benefits for a period of 18 months, just like it did | | | | change this need. |
| for the employees who chose to take the VTO. | | | | Example: life coach, minister, friend who can |
| What they did not offer was a service to help | | | | remain objective |
| with the feelings of grief and loss of self-worth | | | | This process will take some time. It will not be |
| that is inherent to the loss of a job that may | | | | effective if practiced once in a while, and future |
| have been part of the employee's life for long | | | | issues may cause the need to arise once again. |
| enough to become part of who they were. | | | | However, if you work at it diligently over a period |
| Feelings caused by the very way in which they | | | | of 60 to 90 days, you will start to see a change |
| were terminated - a RIF rather than a choice to | | | | in how you view your world. Your beliefs, |
| leave. | | | | assumptions and mental models will shift, providing |
| Each of us needs to feel valued in life, and many | | | | a more stable behavioral modification. You |
| of us look to outside sources to affirm value - | | | | essentially are answering the question on a daily |
| sometimes by design of the outside source. | | | | basis: "Who would you need to be to handle this |
| Performance management systems, if not utilized | | | | situation?" |
| well by the management of a company, will | | | | By doing these exercises, we have begun to |
| operate in that manner. They focus on creating a | | | | engage in Triple-Loop Learning. This type of |
| behavior change at the level of the behavior, | | | | learning is based on context or principle, and we |
| often by changing a condition or context such as | | | | produce new commitments, thoughts, and ways |
| providing a reward for doing the behavior (praise, | | | | of learning, especially as we are challenged to |
| more money or promotion). | | | | understand how impasse and resolution are |
| When left with feelings of grief and lack of value, | | | | related, and how previous actions created the |
| and not working through those feelings in a | | | | circumstance leading to our current situation. We |
| positive manner as quickly as possible, many | | | | understand a great deal more about ourselves |
| people are left bitter, fearful, and unsure of their | | | | and others regarding our beliefs and perceptions. |
| ability to function in another job, profession, or | | | | By talking through the exercises with a life coach, |
| take up a new vocation. They may say they are | | | | we reflect on how we think about the "beliefs", |
| fine and leaving the job was one of the best | | | | not only on whether the "beliefs" should be |
| things that could have happened to them, but if | | | | changed. |
| you listen closely to them, you will get the sense | | | | The results include enhancing ways to understand |
| they are not. They are tentative, unsure, and | | | | our inherent value, changing the beliefs we have |
| fearful. Gone is the confidence they had in their | | | | of ourselves, and deepening our comprehension of |
| talents and abilities to make a difference either in | | | | why the way we choose to do things affects the |
| an individual's life or in the organization's vision of | | | | outcome of every endeavor we make, big or |
| success. | | | | small. |
| One of the first steps in coaching an individual | | | | Once this shift has taken place, the "need" to feel |
| going through this life altering event may be to | | | | valued will be eliminated or reduced considerably. |
| help them understand they are infinitely valuable, | | | | We understand we are infinitely valuable, just the |
| just the way they are. I am amazed and | | | | way we are. This frees us to be who we are, |
| saddened at the number of times my clients sit | | | | take risks and follow our passions. We are able to |
| with tears running down their face when they are | | | | deal with all the opportunities life deals out to us |
| told this - many of them have never HEARD this | | | | with confidence. Abundance will follow. |
| before. We are all so busy trying to please others | | | | |
